When we think of a belief, it can be a real truth for us can’t it? That’s the way it is (for us). That’s the way we see it working. That’s what we believe. It’s quite hard to argue with a belief, right? To judge a belief right or wrong is also quite futile. Like faith. Is being of the Christian versus Jewish or Muslim faith right or wrong, or better or worse? It’s what we have come to believe for ourselves, sometimes by conditioning and sometimes by personal choice. Usually both. Often we have developed them into very strong positions that we defend vehemently.
Linked to our values, beliefs are what make us all different.
We don’t see things they way they are. We see things the way we are. And we often see things the way we are because of our beliefs.
How do we differentiate fact from belief? We may be forgiven for believing something so strongly that to us it is a fact. How do we differentiate fact from perception? Same difference. It’s all in the eye of the beholder.
So how are beliefs formed?
Beliefs are often formed from the meaning we give events, often in our childhood.
I have learned in the meantime that nothing has meaning except the meaning we give it. And every one reading this could give a different meaning to a certain situation.
For example
Take a child sitting on a landing unbeknownst to the two adults and eavesdropping on a conversation between music teacher and mum. The teacher lauds the mum for investing in her child’s musical training but suggests that the child simply is “no good at music and will never play an instrument”. That was the event.
What meaning would the child have given that? “I’m no good at music”, certainly? Chances are it would probably go through the next weeks or months looking for evidence to prove that to be true. In many cases “defining moments” such as these and many others can accumulate and perhaps be amended from “I’m no good at music”, to perhaps just “I’m not good enough”. If for a long enough period of time that is rationalized and sufficient evidence is collected suggesting that to be “true”, it can become entrenched unconsciously and ultimately can become a belief that guides our inner voice and our behavioral responses to so many things. Without us being consciously aware of that or even noticing it.
Remember what Henry Ford said: whether you think you can or you think you can’t – you’re dead right. Whichever one you choose is a belief. Often our conditioning has influenced us so strongly that we might lack confidence or belief in ourselves.
Recognizing beliefs
So in our communication with others around us, we need to become aware of what might be a belief and not launch into argument or challenge it. “Interesting” is a universal escape response; or “amazing”. I have learned to follow that up with questions like: “how long have you had that belief” or “what led you to the development of that belief”? The response is often one of “what do you mean”? Professionally trained coaches know how to work through that. All I’m suggesting is that you try to help the other person realize that what they are suggesting might be a belief and not necessarily a “truth” or “fact” that everyone would perhaps see the same way.
Coaching can help clients identify nonsustaining or limiting beliefs through recognizing language use or behaviour. eg “I’m a bad driver”. “I can’t remember names”. “I could never do that”. “Money doesn’t grow on trees” etc. I’ve often found that once people understand how such a constraining belief came about, they usually smile and shake their head and allow themselves to replace it with a more sustaining or supportive one.
So what now?
Once we have become aware of and understood how, we can use these concepts for Managing Your State particularly as leaders. And so we can have developed a bunch of beliefs that don’t sustain us. They become part of our attitude – the way we see things. However with this understanding we can quite realistically replace the nonsustaining beliefs with “better” ones. It is actually a choice. I urge you to become aware of your beliefs and choose wisely what you believe going forward. It could make a big difference in your life and work.
This is one of the areas that coaches are able to assist our clients in making massive shifts in your outcomes. If you aren’t where you want to be (yet), have been trying hard and wish you knew how you could achieve a significant breakthrough so that you can raise your game and raise your outcomes, why not talk to a coach and see what a difference you can make for yourself? I know you won’t regret it. And if you think you are ready to engage, well then, Lets Talk Coaching.
Tags: Beliefs, defining moments, event, meaning
